I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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