everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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