I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
