new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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