woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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