In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
