I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
