umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
