Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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