I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
