Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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