Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
