Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dicks are not precious.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
