So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
