redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize