i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
