she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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