We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
