dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
