my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
