I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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