The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
