oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
