Please, let me fuck your mom
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize