it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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