which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize