I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
