i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
