1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize