Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
