I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
