You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
