Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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