Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
