Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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