Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
