whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
