I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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