"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
