I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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