Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
