It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
