So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
