super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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