this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
