But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize