Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
