Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
