we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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