I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
