Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
