I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
