I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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