just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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