Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He better not be in your backpack
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
