guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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