i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
