Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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