It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
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