He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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