oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
