When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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