just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
