She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
