so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Please don't give away my fajitas
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