Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize