Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish you could order shots online.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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