Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
