Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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