you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
