my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
