the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize