I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
