did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
