I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
