Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
