At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
