It's Friday. Sex?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
